Tag: self esteem

The first two weeks of September raced by.  I had my pre-op appointment and got all the forms signed and the prescriptions I would need for after surgery picked up.  I was thoroughly sick of broth and jello by this point.  There are just not many options for non sweet clear liquids.  It’s pretty much beef, chicken, or vegetable broth.  It gets old.

In the process of applying for my FMLA leave, I had also learned what short term disability coverage meant, and that took a huge weight off my shoulders to know that I would be able to have at least a little income during my time off.

September 11th my mom and I were up at 4:00 am to be able to get to the hospital for my 5:30 check in.  I was starting to be a little nervous at this point, but mostly I just wanted to get it done after all the months of waiting.

Everything went well, I got checked in, was taken back to the pre-op area fairly fast and got all changed and hooked up to various machines, injected with a few different medications, and had a bag of fluids being run into me at full flow.

Then, about the time I was supposed to be going back for surgery, we start to hear what is going on from the nurses.  “Someone” had turned a fan on, or flushed a system, and the end result was that all nine operating rooms were now covered in a layer of fine dust.  This meant, of course, that they had to get them cleaned and sterilized before anyone could do any operating.

Continue reading “Surgery Day!” →

My second visit to the bariatric clinic was the first week of April.  It was a good visit.  Since the previous month I had lost over twenty pounds.  I credit most of this to the fact that I stopped drinking soda on March 6th and haven’t touched it since.  I significantly lowered my carbohydrate intake and it showed.

I went to a cardiologist and after an echo-cardiogram he advised me that I did not, in fact, have congestive heart failure and other than a slight regurgitation from one valve my heart was completely healthy.  So, now I had my cardiac clearance that I needed for surgery.

I got my bloodwork done as well and no issues were found there either.  With the weather warming up, I was able to start swimming in our pool and increasing my activity levels.

It was an encouraging visit and April had a lot of good results.  I still had a long way to go though, and I was struggling with having to avoid bread.  Pasta wasn’t as big of a deal, we use spaghetti squash instead of noodles and I actually like that better.  But bread…oh, how I love bread.  That has been, hands down, the hardest thing to cut out.  And the one that I admit I cheated with more than once.

Still, my progress was in the right direction.  I was feeling more energetic and more hopeful than I had in a long time.

So, let me start by saying that being heavy is all I’ve ever known.  When I was in fifth and sixth grade and other girls were wearing all the cute clothes, I was wearing boys’ husky jeans.  I never got to wear the ‘stylish’ clothes the other girls wore in junior high because I was wearing women’s clothing by that time.  And it only got worse from there.

I would, however, like to thank the kids I went to school with.  I was never bullied.  I was ignored, and yes that hurt, but I still had good friends, and none of those who weren’t my friends ever went out of their way to be mean to me.  I am very grateful for that now, though at the time I didn’t realize how lucky I was.

At fifteen, I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism.  It had caused my face, hands, and feet to swell and my metabolism to slow even more.  It also effectively stopped me from growing taller.  The medication helped, but even with dieting I was never going to be a “normal” teenage girl.

Fast forward twenty-five years and my doctor is telling me I have congestive heart failure and advising bariatric, or weight loss, surgery.  At the time, insurance was not an option.  I made too much for state help and not enough for federal help.  I did what I could on my own and managed to drop about thirty pounds.

Continue reading “The Beginning” →